I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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