This girl is more easily done than said...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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