why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize