Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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