the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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