He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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