sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
