Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
