I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
