no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
