I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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