Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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