Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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