It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
