take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
