I molested 6 butterflies tonight
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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