The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no, he came in my armpit
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drake has all the answers
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
