whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
