Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
