just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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