Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When are your genitals available?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
