thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
