i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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