Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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