That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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