a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
