He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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