Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
