i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
