and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize