I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
