Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
