I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize