I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
