He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
