i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
