I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
either way he was missing a nipple.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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