first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
