she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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