ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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