new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
