Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
