Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
