playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
