i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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