and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
