The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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