well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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