we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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