Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
