I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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