that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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