When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
