I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My friends, they love my intelligence
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
