So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
