oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
