You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize